


My Brother's Keeper

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-03
Updated: 2006-03-02
Packaged: 2018-08-15 22:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8074435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: After his brain surgery, Trip begins to realize the dreams and feelings he is having may not be his own. Spoilers, 3.10 "Similitude." (01/14/2004)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: There were a few discussions about it being unlikely that memories could be passed on to a clone. However, we are dealing with science fiction and an alien entity that was injected with human DNA. Let us all remember that in sci-fi the limits are boundless.  


* * *

The corridor was empty. The door at the end of the hall beckoned him. But he found he could not move.

The window in that door was there, he supposed, to possibly alert the person inside someone was coming. But at this moment, 2345 hours, it was a spyglass for him.

Lurking in the shadows, of the simulated late night of the dimly lit corridor, he was restless by what compelled him to be there.

The dreams were fragmented with people and places familiar to him, yet in a strange way not. The visual and emotional effects bled into his waking hours hauntingly surfacing at times with varying degrees of unsettling feelings.

Although he could not be certain, he was almost sure they all were rooted in one incident. And beyond those doors lie the answers to questions he did not want to ask, but had to.

* * *

The door slid open causing his head to shoot up from the microscope he had been peering into. Doctor Phlox knew whatever brought one to sickbay at this hour was usually urgent or quite troublesome to wait until morning.

"Commander Tucker?" Phlox's greeting was inquiring.

"Hey, Doc." Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III replied.

"Not having trouble getting to sleep, are you?"

"Oh, no, no." Trip quickly answered.

"Headaches?" Phlox's deepening concern was evident on his face.

"Actually, no again." Tucker smiled now. "I meant ta tell ya they subsided when ya said they would and disappeared all together last week."

"Glad to hear it." Phlox beamed.

Brain surgery was never going to become routine, or an outpatient procedure. No matter the alien technology or advancements made, it would always be risky.

"Uh, I guess you're wonderin' why I'm here, then?" Trip finally said.

"At this hour you should be in bed." The doctor admonished. "You are still recuperating. It's only been three weeks."

"Yeah," Trip sighed. "Seems longer some days and then others like it was yesterday. The accident, and the...services."

Phlox nodded in agreement averting his eyes from the mention of the funeral for Sim. He had been surprised how much this whole incident upset him. He could never have imagined a mere days' existence could leave a lifetime void and emptiness behind. But he had raised Sim from a baby to a man. In that regard, quality over quantity was the key factor.

As Phlox returned his attention to the commander, he noticed Tucker looking off toward the room where Sim had slept once he was past the toddler stage. Perhaps the man surmised that would be where Sim would have lived, but a strange feeling began to creep into his being.

"Commander?" Phlox questioned. "What is it?"

Trip ran his hand over the nape of his neck several times. Back and forth his hand tried to scrub the thoughts...no, memories from his mind. He looked up at the doctor with sorrowful eyes.

"I think I'm goin' crazy, Doc." Tucker's voice quivered. "Maybe I'm havin' some sorta breakdown, or rejectin' this tissue..."

Instinctively, Phlox moved forward and took Tucker by the shoulders not roughly but firmly.

"Come and sit down." The doctor advised as he turned and guided the upset man toward a biobed.

Trip hopped up onto the bed, placing his hands on his knees and drawing in a deep breath. Phlox stood right in front of him, his hands still on the commander's shoulders.

"That's it." Phlox's soothing tone praised. It was not his professional voice, but that of genuine comfort and concern. "It's all right."

"Is it?" Trip asked in desperation. "I keep havin' these dreams and then when I'm awake they just invade my mind. I'm havin' a hard time concentratin' on work and..."

Phlox released his grip on Tucker and leaned against the bed next to the commander. The doctor placed a hand on the human's back and began to rub up and down slowly.

> Soothing circular motions against his back, helping him slow his breath. He was staring down at his feet, tiny little shoes dangling freely over the biobed. No, not his back, not his feet. Couldn't be his tiny little shoes, he was never a child aboard Enterprise.

"The petrie dish..." Trip's muffled voice whispered breathlessly. "It crashed to the floor and broke. S—scared. W—wasn't supposed to play ball in sickbay."

Phlox stopped rubbing Tucker's back, pulling his hand back as if he was stung by something. He was, those words the commander was saying. Sim had been told not to play ball in sickbay numerous times in one day. But the four year old was getting restless being confined there and when the doctor had gone into his office the child had tried the soccer moves Lieutenant Reed had showed him earlier that day.

Bouncing the ball off his head it sailed through the air and crashed onto the counter. Phlox had bolted back into the room to see the child holding the ball, tears streaming down his face. Thinking the child had been hurt, the doctor had slapped the ball out of the little boy's hands and scooped him up onto a biobed to examine him.

Finding the boy unharmed, except for the fright, Phlox had begun to try and soothe the weeping child and tell him everything was going to be all right.

"Commander?" Phlox managed to say. "What do you know?"

"Know?" Confusion filled Tucker's tone. "I—I don't know. I feel things and see things. In my dreams, when I'm awake. Am I crazy, Doc?"

"What type of feelings, thoughts?" Phlox was now back in front of Tucker with a piercing gaze as if he could see those things in the man's eyes.

"Doc?" Trip questioned with a tinge of fear. Why was Phlox looking at him that way? Was he crazy or having some sort of reaction to the procedure?

"Calm yourself, Commander." Phlox again placed his hands on Tucker's shoulders. "You are not going crazy, that I am sure of. Now, tell me what else you feel and see."

The minutes passed as Trip recounted again the soccer ball incident and others. By the time the hour reached 0120 he was yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"What does it all mean, Doc?" Trip asked through a yawn.

Phlox had perched next to the commander on the bed. He now searched his lap for words.

"It means a great many things, Commander." Phlox announced. "Not in the least is that life is not ours to give and take. But that knowing what I know now, if the fates chose to present me again with your fatal injury...I would indeed save you at all cost."

The realization evident on Tucker's face was not surprising. Even though he had come here seemingly in utter darkness over his experiences, he had to know.

"They're his memories, aren't they?"

Phlox cocked his head and peered up at Tucker now. The question was almost accusing.

"I can't explain it." The doctor offered. "Just as I couldn't explain how Sim carried your memories and experiences."

"God!" Trip leapt off the bed, whirling around to face off with Phlox. "He was alive! He was part of me and now I'm part of him. But only because he willingly gave his life for me! Oh, wait. How could I forget, he only willingly gave his life up because he felt that was what he was meant to do! Because the cap'n made him see it that way!"

"Commander," Phlox moved to his side. "You're not fully informed of all that went on..."

"I know 'nough!" Trip began to pace the sickbay.

"You only know what you have sensed." The doctor shadowed the agitated commander. "You need to calm down..."

"I need to get outta here!"

As he watched Tucker bolt from the room, Phlox knew going after him was pointless. The commander did not want to hear anymore from him. He reached for the companel.

"Sickbay to Captain Archer."


	2. Chapter 2

"Did you hear me, Captain?" Phlox's disembodied voice questioned.

Captain Jonathan Archer clutched the book he had been reading face down on his chest. He stared up at the ceiling, stretched out on his bed with Porthos snuggled up against his hip.

"Captain, please?" Phlox pressed.

"I heard you, Doctor." Archer's husky voice replied. Yes, he had heard Phlox. Every word the doctor had said was echoing in his mind.

"He is angry, scared, confused." Phlox went on. "I know he will, most likely, make his way eventually to your door..."

As if on cue the door chimes sounded. Archer tiredly shifted his eyes to the door. Porthos perked his head up and whimpered.

"He's here." The captain said as he rose and reached for the companel. "I'll keep in touch, Doc. Archer out."

The door chime rang out urgently and again in rapid succession. Jon rubbed his beagle's ears and kissed the dog's wet nose.

"Go to your bed, boy."

Porthos obeyed the command without hesitation and curled up into a tight ball. The dog did not close his eyes, but kept them on his master. Said master folded his book and replaced it on the shelf, then stood up and grabbed his t-shirt. As he pulled it on he smoothed it out and then tightened the drawstring on his sweatpants.

"Come in."

The door slid open and Trip charged in stopping only a few feet from Jon. Archer noticed his friend's eyes were red and puffy, but also full of purpose.

"Tell me it isn't so." Trip ground out through his clenched teeth.

"What, Trip?" Jon simply replied in a controlled voice.

"Don't give me that crap!" Trip shouted. "I know Phlox would'a commed ya. Ya know what I'm talkin' 'bout! Ya made him believe he was only worth bein' alive to die! No other purpose to his life! No one gave a damn 'bout him!"

Jon inhaled deeply, as if he'd been punched in the gut and lost all air. This was not only going to be difficult it was going to be painful. For both of them.

"Trip, it wasn't like that."

"Oh, don't patronize me, Jon!" Trip began to pace as he did in sickbay. He ran his hands through his short-cropped blond hair. "I know what I know."

"Exactly." Jon stressed in a voice that had lost all command. "What you know. Only what you know."

"What I shouldn't know!" Trip grabbed for the desk chair and swung it around to straddle it backwards. Resting his arms on the back of the chair, he let his chin rest there as well.

Jon slowly shuffled the two steps it took to reach Trip and dropped to his knees in front of him.

"Phlox doesn't know enough to answer why." Jon was trying to keep his voice steady, but it wavered slightly.

Trip looked at Jon with a pained frown and a bottom lip that trembled.

"He was a part of me and now I'm a part of him." Trip's voice was small and lonely. "How could ya make that decision 'bout another life?"

Jon swallowed to moisten his throat, but to no avail. It was still dry and aching. He placed a hand on Trip's forearm.

"I was making a decision about your life, Trip." Jon began. "At the time, I wasn't thinking of Sim's life. Hell, there wasn't even a Sim. It was a creature Phlox used for medicinal purposes. I left it at that. And this seemed like one hell of a good way to use it."

"And after?" Trip asked. "When ya knew he was alive? That he was a person?"

Jon sighed, shaking his head and looking down. How could he explain to Trip, his best friend and crewmate, that he never thought of Sim as a separate person? Well, not until the end.

"He knew his place here, Trip..."

"No!" Trip jerked his arm away from Jon's grasp and jumped out of the chair tossing it aside.

As the chair toppled and slid on its side, Porthos let out a yelp and stood up in his bed.

"Easy, boy." Jon directed at Porthos. But he could have easily been addressing Trip.

"Don't tell me that!" Trip grabbed his head and resumed pacing. "He wanted to live! I know that much. God, how I know that. But you put him, not in his place, but the place ya wanted him ta be in. Didn't ya?"

Jon leaned forward with his hands on his thighs and began to rock slowly. Trip was right; he had done just that to Sim. Created him, assigned him his so-called life and then destroyed him. Oh, God how he had wrestled with that every day since the funeral.

"I never meant to hurt anyone." Jon muttered.

"Well neither did I!" Trip yelled back. "I tried ta do somethin' ta better another's quality of life. But that resulted in their death! And holier than thou Cap'n Archer tore me apart for it! Well, I never intended for their death as a result! Geez, Jon you did!"

Archer dug his fingers into his legs, clawing to deter his mind so he would not lose his composure. His mind was reeling with the biting reality of Trip's words.

"So who chews your ass out here in this damn Expanse when you screw up, Cap'n?" Tucker bent down over Archer as he hollered at him. When there was no response, he leaned further down. "Answer me!"

Archer shook his head slowly from side to side and then glanced into Tucker's angry twisted face.

"You." Jon whispered meekly.

"Naw," Trip straightened up and wrapped his arms around his body. "Don't lay that on me. Just tell me why ya did this to him? Why didn't ya just let me die? I was anyway and he wasn't."

"Because I...needed you."

"Yeah, ta make Enterprise fly like the wind." Trip spat out. "For this mission, ya needed me."

"No." Jon mumbled into his hands that he had brought up to his mouth.

"What?" Trip asked disgustedly.

"Not just because of that." Jon let his hands drop limply to his sides. He looked up at Trip from his place on the floor. His lowly place on his knees and looking up to the one who might give him penance. "Tell me you understand that. Please?"

Trip could not bring himself to let the thought of Jon needing him personally quell the anger that was inside him. That fact alone without the creation of Sim would have been a comfort. But someone had to die for him to live. Someone that had no part in why Trip's life had been compromised.

Porthos got up and slunk slowly toward his master. Nudging Archer's hand with his nose, the dog whimpered louder and sat when the man did not budge.

"I—I don't..." Trip bit his lower lip. "I don't know ya anymore. The Jon I know...knew...would never have killed an innocent being. Damn this mission and damn the Xindi! But damn you to hell for what you did to Sim and for makin' me live the life of a freak!"

Jon's eyes had misted over so he thankfully could not see the contempt in Trip's eyes. He watched the blurred form of his best friend run out of his quarters. Once the door was closed he let out an anguished moan and sobbed outwardly.


	3. Chapter 3

After tossing and turning, Archer finally gave up on sleeping. Once he had showered and dressed for duty he did not even attempt breakfast heading straight to his ready room.

At 0730 just before the shift began Phlox beckoned him via the com.

"Archer here."

"Captain," Phlox replied. "I am informing you Commander Tucker will not be on duty today."

Archer leaned forward in his chair and placed his palms flat on his desk. "I see."

"I would like to run some tests and verify he is in good physical health." Phlox continued. "I am quite certain, but I do not want to leave anything to chance."

"Yes, of course." The captain agreed.

Sensing the confusion in the captain's tone, Phlox inquired. "Is there something wrong, Captain?"

"Well, it's just that I thought Trip started his shift early." The captain explained. "I went by his quarters and he wasn't there. Or maybe he just didn't answer."

"You were correct the first time, Captain." Phlox replied. "He was not there."

Archer closed his eyes and let a long sigh escape. He knew now where Trip was. "He's with you."

"I'm sorry, Captain." Phlox's voice sounded sympathetic. "But it was understandable considering. Mr. Tucker was quite upset when he came from your quarters. To be honest I was not all that sure he really wanted to be in my presence at that moment either. But, he needed to be someplace where he felt solace."

"And that's sickbay." Archer smiled to himself. The strong father/son bond between Phlox and Sim had penetrated Trip's being as well. "And with you."

"He was not as angry when he fell asleep, Captain." Phlox broke the silence. "I believe if you attempted to see him earlier, you should try again."

"Thank you, Doc." Archer felt a tad bit of tension lessen. "I'll see you in a few. Archer out."

* * *

"He is outside waiting." Phlox said.

Tucker was still wrapped up in a blanket and lying on the bed in the private room. Sim's room. Phlox had told him Archer was there to see him.

"I am going to allow him entrance." Phlox informed Trip. "Best you remember what we talked about before you fell asleep."

With that said the doctor turned and exited the room. Trip curled up tighter into a ball on his side, gathering the blankets closer under his chin. Yes, he remembered what Phlox and he had talked about. More visions and feelings came forward and Trip, with the doctor's help, sorted out and made sense of it all.

He blinked when he saw the blue uniform come into view. He swallowed and kept his eyes staring straight ahead.

"You asked me why I didn't let you die, because you were and Sim wasn't." Archer began in a low, strained voice. "He would have been in a few more days had he not submitted to the procedure. But then so would you have. To what purpose would his life have served?"

Trip shuddered as a chill ran through him. He would have to remember to ask the doctor if he had kept it that cold in the room when Sim was young.

"Cap'n," Trip whispered. "He understood. He did. I know that now. But..."

The captain bent down to try and capture Trip's gaze. "But what? Tell me."

"But it shouldn't have ever happened." Trip looked up at Jon now with eyes filled with an agony that only came from an injured soul. "He never should'a been created."

"I'm not going to go over the morality of his creation, Trip." Jon told him. "I've gone over it a thousand times and I still can only think of saving you. Selfish? Immoral? Probably. But I'll have to atone for that when the time comes."

"He was happy here." Trip said with a crooked smile that was somewhat forced. "He never wanted it to end. But he knew it had to. And he did it for Lizzie."

"Yes, he did." Jon enforced. "Trip, he was a part of you. But he wasn't you. He had experiences that made him a different person. And, yes, he did get us out of that polaric field. But I have no doubts in my mind that you could have done the same for Enterprise."

"And now I'm a part of him. Kinda, sorta." Trip shrugged.

"That's not a bad thing, Trip." Jon told him. "He was a good guy. And so are you."

"I didn't mean ta be such a sonuvabitch last night." Trip managed as he let out a ragged breath. "I was all confused and scared..."

"Shh," Jon hushed him as he placed his hand on Trip's forehead. "You were right. Everything you said was true. I could've handled the reprimand about Charles differently. My words were cruel. I think you got me back for that."

"Maybe that's part of it." Trip decided. "Why I was so angry. Ya used some pretty harsh words with Sim, too. They hurt even though they were the truth. I lashed out at ya to make ya hurt, too. Maybe I went too far."

"No." Jon shook his head. "Your words were no more severe than mine were on impact. An eye for an eye, for an eye."

Trip sat up, swinging his legs over the bed and gathering up the blanket on his lap. "Doc says he wants ta do a couple'a tests. Make sure, ya know?"

"That's the right thing to do." Archer nodded. "Just a precaution."

"Sure, I know."

"Well, I have a bridge to get to." Archer turned and moved to the door.

"Cap'n." Tucker called out sharper than he had intended. When Jon turned to face him Trip smiled. "Thanks."

He felt what his mama used to call a warm fuzzy when Jon smiled back at him. Trip stared at the door as Jon disappeared and Phlox entered. The doctor eyed Tucker curiously as he stood before him.

"He loves you very much." Phlox said. "Whatever decisions he makes regarding you, though, I believe he would make for any member of this crew. And, yes, he needed you to survive for this mission's sake. But he also needed you to survive for his sake. He has a most difficult task and a burden of your entire world. The man needs you as well as the captain."

Trip listened intently, his eyes brimming with tears. Phlox was right and he knew it. Maybe he just needed to accept and not question just like Sim had learned to. Trust. It was all about that really, wasn't it?

As Tucker let the tears fall he wrapped his arms around his torso. The doctor looked at him with sympathy.

"Denobulans, by nature, are not a touchy/feely species." Phlox said with a dance of his head from side to side. "But we do reserve those for special people. Spouses, parents...children."

Slowly moving forward Phlox opened his arms and took Tucker into a strong embrace. The commander let his head fall on the doctor's shoulder and continued to silently weep.

"Sometimes we tend to forget the soul needs to heal as much as the body." Phlox said.

Trip was not hysterical, just letting out the result of a multitude of emotions. As he regained his composure he stayed where he was.

"Doc?" Trip asked.

"Hmm?"

"Do ya think ya could sing me that little song?" Trip said trying to hold back his smile.

Phlox now broke the embrace and looked embarrassed. "That will be enough of that, Mr. Tucker. You get yourself up and showered and then we will start the testing."

Trip began to chuckle as Phlox made his way to the door. But before the doctor exited he turned around.

"Do you really remember that?" Phlox asked hesitantly.

Trip met the doctor's eyes and slowly nodded. "I do. He wanted ta ask ya ta sing it to him before the operation. But I guess he thought it was silly since he was a grown man. And the cap'n was there and all."

"I had no idea." Phlox shook his head thoughtfully.

"Would ya have?" Trip asked. "If ya'd known?"

The doctor looked up at him with regard. Then he smiled his Grinch- like grin, turned and left. Trip wondered about the odd turn of events surrounding Sim. He continued to touch their lives even after he was gone. But, then again, maybe he wasn't really gone after all.

Trip stood up and stretched thinking about all the people he had to thank for being alive, not in the least of which was Sim himself.

"I won't let ya down, buddy. You an' Lizzie. I promise."


End file.
